Album Reviews |

Britney Spears

In The Zone 3 ( 2003 )
Me Against the Music / (I Got That) Boom Boom / Showdown / Breathe on Me / Early Mornin' / Toxic / Outrageous / Touch of My Hand / The Hook Up / Shadow / Brave New Girl / Everytime / Me Against the Music

Leonard Nimoy apparently co-writes the song here called 'Shadow'. How cool is that?? Actually, he doesn't. It's just, every song here has five or six co-writers and one of the co-writers for that song, according to the ever reliable All Music Guide, is called Spock. It's one of the most interesting aspects of this album, actually. A ton of producers, musicians. Anyway, Britney Spears?? The thing is, the stupid thing is, she actually does have talent. See that clip of her singing when she was 9 years old or something? Very powerful voice. But, having a powerful voice isn't everything. It can be terribly corrupted. Chasing money is corruption. Chasing fame is corruption. Pornography?? Well, in that respect, Britney is quite tame. Well, i'm aware various internet sites promise naked pictures of Britney. One difference between Madonna and Britney? Guess. Well, there are genuine naked pictures of Madonna on the net. All the ones of Britney are fake. Don't get me wrong now, i'm not actually lamenting the fact. I for one, definitely don't prefer blondes anyway, but that's besides the point. Oh, the album itself? Well, the opening song features Madonna. I knew there was some reason I mentioned her. Most of the music is state of the art, most of the vocals apeing Madonna, or Kylie, even. God bless Kylie. God save Kylie, one and all! She's the one. I do realise she's blonde as well. But, she's got a nice ass! She's kylie!!

State of the art production here, an album that's easy to listen to. It has no artistic value whatsoever of course, but what did you expect?? The really dense thing is that people want funny music, happy music, party music. They want novelty music that is here today and gone tomorrow. Oh, I know Britney will do whatever to hang desperately around. She'll be around. Well, i'm going off at a tangent now, but look at Black Eyed Peas. People like them, why? Well, one huge hit single. The Fugee's did much the same. Do they sound so cool, now? The state of the art production displayed here will appear unlistenable in 12 months time. Doesn't matter, cos then, the ones that don't like artistic music, real music, will be listening to either the next Britney Spears album or the next Fugee's sound-a-like album. Or the next album by a bunch of girls shaking their ass around the television screen. Me? Do I even like sex?? Well, yes, I do. But, I always prefer mysterious, moody brunettes.

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Readers Comments Brad Holmes bholmes@fas.harvard.edu I prefer mysterious, moody brunettes too! And asians! Don't forget them. Brunettes and asians. That's where it's at. I'm dating a Chinese girl right now, actually. Going quite well. Fork blondes! If I want an Abercrombie model, I'll get an Abercrombie catalog. Nicole cojocarurn@hendrix.edu I must say I'm impressed with what I read over here. Thank god not all guys like the typical American girl- blonde, nice body, and NO BRAINS. Why do I have the impression that Britney fits perfectly in this category? I'm also happy that I don't fit in this category.... I'm brunette and still have a nice body (not that I want to brag about it...) Kim gods_angel_with_attitude@hotmail.com Well, I'm sure glad there's a few decent guys in the world who still prefer brunettes. As for the review, I completely agree. Britney Spears may be talented, but no one can see past her image to even think of that. Her music is extremely superficial, and while it may be fun to dance to, it has absolutely no "musical value". That album is already forgotten as far as I'm concerned

I fancy Kate Bush in her younger days and that girl from Andromeda with the cats tail. I also fancy my soon to be wife. I don't find Britney Spears remotely attractive, either visually or artistically. Having said that, the producers and r'n'b songwriters have rallied around and the result is a decent enough slice of forgettable commercial pop music. Several potential singles are here if you like this kind of thing. Several tunes are atrocious, as we would also expect. Give her recent turmoils and appearing naked all over the place, she's managed to sing on twelve pop tracks, proving being a singer alone isn't really that hard, providing your voice can be in tune and the producers can fiddle with their knobs.... Her grinding funky 'Get Naked' rather disturbs me, but it's the kind of track we expected her to sing round about now. It's a sure fire dancefloor pleaser for every under thirty something idiot who goes to dance clubs and gets drunk and takes drug, all in an attempt to find their perfect partner? Or was it just sex? One song is called 'Freakshow', which is of course exactly what she's become. Next to marrying Michael Jackson though, I don't know what else she can actually do to shock anybody. Maybe strip at the MTV awards? Is her self-esteem that low? She's certainly messed up. Do we feel sorry for her? Well, as a human being, yes, I feel sorry for her. Then again, she spends hundreds of thousands of dollars every month on parties, whilst some of that money could surely be put to better use. It indicates to me perhaps she isn't a caring individual herself, rather more akin to a car crash.

'Hot As Ice' tells us ridiculously that she's cold as fire yet hot as ice. She sounds a bit confused to me, then. Best track? 'Ooh Ooh Baby' features a stomping glam rock beat that's most enjoyable. Another decent track is the opening 'Gimme More', the production is inventive and shines. What else? Well, on the BBC site, an eighteen year old girl declared the album a masterpiece. Her opinion is of course as valid as mine. All I can say is, this is probably her finest album to date. As such, a 5/10 seems almost certainly fair. Can I swith it off now?

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Readers Comments John, County Kildare john.j.doyle@nuim.ie it is obvious that you are a sad indie hippy who just listens to radiohead and stuff like that and you only criticise britney coz she has talent and you dont and theres no way you could ever be like her coz she is brilliant and you are not and now im going upstairs to listen to my tapes and stuff. Yep, Adrian, expect bucket loads of this "pesponse" shite soon, in fact I'm just preparing you for it mate, I think you should thank me really, no rush! :-) Now let's talk some sense about "Mizz" Spears, Patti Smith and Marianne Faithfull she ain't, that's for fucking sure.... that's really all to say about her, oh that, and also when Bruce Johnston wrote "Disney Girls", I don't think he had this fishwife in mind somehow. Ravel Providence I don't understand why you were reviewing Britney's screwed up life more than the album itself. It's your opinion, that's true, but wouldn't it be nice to actually read what you thought about the tracks than what you think about her marriage or her drug-drunk habits. Honestly, I don't like her either, but let's please make some distinction from the artist and the art (well, bad choice of words, cause she isn't an artist and her 'music' isn't art...). But you get my point?